Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Does rushing into marriage lead to a fast divorce?
Hollywood is confused! Kim Kardashian has filed for divorce from her husband Kris Humphries, after 72 days of not so wedded bliss.
Love…what a splendid thing it is (NOT). This may have been what Kim Kardashian and Kris Humpries were thinking when they wed after only dating for six months. Do you think Kim Kardashian rushed too fast into marriage with Kris Humphries? Ive heard multiple rumors about how they have continuous fights and how they are heading for a split. Which brings this discussion into play.
People talk a lot of crap about couples who do not wed after being together for years and years. What about the couples who marry after knowing each other a few months? Is there such a thing as rushing into marriage? Do couples that rush into marriage after a short period of dating have less of a chance for the marriage to be succesful? Now, couples who date for a decade before marriage could still end up divorcing. But, by dating for a short time before marriage are you signing your divorce certificate right after you say “I do”.
But why do people get divorced?
Ending a marriage can not only take a toll on you emotionally, but also physically. Divorce rates are increasing across the world and the reasons range from alcoholism, physical abuse, infidelity, lack of communication, etc. In this day and age of drive-in marriages, quick divorces are no longer shocking. Several marriages end up in divorces. But there are marriages that do face ups and downs and finally make it to the other side. One has to understand, that a marriage is not a packet of instant noodles. You cannot expect it to magically “work”. You have to work on a marriage. So if things go rocky in your marriage and you’re considering a divorce, ask yourself why. Go back to the time the problems started and try to understand if there is a pattern. Ask yourself how a divorce can help your current situation. There are several reasons to stay in a marriage and make it work.
1. For the children
Staying in the marriage for your children’s sake, is one of the prime reasons cited by couples who have considered divorce at some point or the other. Children from broken homes tend to suffer from more self-esteem problems than children whose parents are together. A child’s home is his/her safety zone. A broken home can cause severe emotional trauma to the child. Children, whose parents are together, have more of a sense of well being and are also proven to be more content. Problems at home also influence a child’s mood pattern, ability to concentrate, ability to be creative, etc. Children from regular homes adjust well to school and are better at making friends and coping with basic problems, such as bullying, peer pressure, etc.
2. The sanctity of marriage as an institution
If you believe in the inherent sanctity of marriage as an institution, you should work extra hard to keep it together. There are loads of people falling in love at first sight, getting married quickly and filing for divorce by the end of the month. Every other day, you hear of couples getting divorced. Marriage, as an institution, has become less holy. People seek quick fixes or rather, quick divorces, instead of ironing the differences. Be a role model and fight for your marriage. Be the couple that valued the institution of marriage and made it work, despite odds. If there’s anything worth fighting for, it is a relationship that once had promise and potential.
3. Divorce affects health adversely
Divorce brings with it all the unhealthiness attributed to a single life. A Chicago study involving 8,652 people aged 51 to 61, found divorced people have 20% more chronic illnesses such as cancer than those who never marry. They are also more susceptible to depression, heart ailments and diabetes, over the long term. Read more in this BBC news story.
4. Humans are essentially social animals
The need for companionship is a basic human need. It’s nice to come home to a friendly face. Being with someone you love, brings out your nice side. In popular culture, the stereotyped “old maid” or “loser” is typically the crabby and annoyed single or divorced person.
5. Coping with the new void in your life can be tough
Most divorced people who suddenly have a lot of free time, do not want to go home to an empty house. Remember, when you were single, you killed time, chatted on the phone, surfed the net, etc., and then suddenly started work at 4 p.m. Most married people tend to be more efficient and organized at work. They tend to finish work on time, to be with their partner. Going home to be with someone you adore and love is certainly the best motivation to work faster and better.
6. Managing finances becomes more challenging
Finance is another aspect that makes people rethink their divorce. Most people also put off a divorce, because of the insane expenditure involved. Legal fees, child support, alimony/palimony, different living arrangements, etc., can dent a hole in your bank account. Married couples also tend to make more informed and less risky investment decisions. Additionally, when you’re single, you tend to spend a month’s salary on a dress or dip into your savings to take a vacation. With another person in the relationship, there is accountability and you have to spend responsibly. People also start saving only after marriage, because of the natural progression of their lifestyle.
7. Dating again after a divorce
When you get a divorce, you’ll be out in the whole dating zone again. Although that seems exciting for some people, the whole process of dating can be daunting. There are a few things you’ll never have to worry about, after you’re married. You’ll never have to be on your guard and be on your best behaviour to impress the other person. You can be yourself. You can burp and scratch when you want to. No need of worrying if your hair is limp or if your clothes are creased.
8. Coping with a new partner may be a task
If you have invested a lot of time and effort in the relationship, it is a good reason to rethink the divorce. You have spent years getting accustomed to your partner’s way of life, likes, dislikes, habits, temperament, etc. Any other relationship and marriage will take as much time and effort. Are things really so bad, that you’re willing to throw all this away, to take your chance on another relationship that may or may not be the same? Chances of a second marriage ending in divorce are two-fold, as most people subconsciously look for someone similar to their first spouse.
9. Working with the current situation may be easier
If your partner is essentially a good person and you truly love him/her, you can find a way to work through this rough patch. As clichéd as it sounds, love does make the world go round. People do crazy things in love. You’ll definitely find it in you to spend some time and effort to make the marriage work.
10. Professional help
Seek professional help before you take the big decision. A trained and certified counsellor will help you sort differences, and your marriage could become stronger than it was before.
So, up for discussion: Can a couple marriage last after a short dating time? Does the dating period make a difference? Leave your comment!